Conversations with my kids

A lot of times a conversation with one of my kiddos starts like this, especially with Sam:

Sam: "Mom. Mommy. Moooommmmy. MOOOOOM-EEEEEEE!!"

Me: "Sam."

Sam: "What?"

Me: *sigh* "What did you need, honey?"

Sam: "Nah-sing." (nothing)

Me: *facepalm*

Here's another example of why I always have a headache:

Katie: "Hey, Mom. How long did you have to wait until you went to Kindergarten?"

Me: "Five years."

Katie: "Nooo, how long?"

Me: "Um, I waited five years."

Katie: "NOOO! I mean, how long did you have to wait?"

Me: "Okaaay, well, I'm not sure I understand the question. I went to Kindergarten when I was five years old."

Katie: "Argh! Mom, you're not listening."

Me: "I'm not?"

Katie: *eye roll* "How long did you have to wait?"

Me: "I guess I don't know."

Here's a convo with Audrey that happens on a pretty regular basis:

Audrey: "Mom, your butt is pretty big. And it jiggles."

Me: "Yep."

A: "Why is it so big?"

Me: "Well, I don't always eat the right things and I don't exercise enough. And I've birthed 3 children."

A: "Why is your belly jiggly too?"

Me: "Same reasons."

A: "What about your arms? They move a lot."

Me: "Don't you have something else to do? Homework? Bossing your brother around? Sticking a fork in your sister's eye? Anything?"

A: "Will my butt be as big as yours? I don't want my butt to be THAT big."

Me: "Keep talking, kid, and you won't live to see your butt get this big."

Recently at church, our new nursery director, Christine, was helping me clean up to go home. I told Sam to tell Christine good-bye. This is what followed:

Sam: "Dat's not Kiss-teen."

Christine: "I am Christine, see?" (holds out her name badge)

Sam: "NOO!! Dat's. Nooooot. KISS-TEEN!!!"

I explained that our neighbor that we hang out with a lot is also named Christine.

Christine: "Well, I know that you have another friend named Christine, but that's my name too."

Sam: "NOOOO!! You're not stupid Kiss-teen."

Me: "Alright, knock it off. She's not stupid. Let's not say that word. Let's go home now."

Sam: "Bye, Stupid."

Imposter Christine: "Um, okay. Bye."

I just mouthed "sorry" and hustled him out of there before the discussion got any uglier.

Yet another reason Mommy drinks in the evenings. :)