A lot of times a conversation with one of my kiddos starts like this, especially with Sam:
Sam: "Mom. Mommy. Moooommmmy. MOOOOOM-EEEEEEE!!"
Me: *sigh* "What did you need, honey?"
Sam: "Nah-sing." (nothing)
Here's another example of why I always have a headache:
Katie: "Hey, Mom. How long did you have to wait until you went to Kindergarten?"
Me: "Five years."
Katie: "Nooo, how long?"
Me: "Um, I waited five years."
Katie: "NOOO! I mean, how long did you have to wait?"
Me: "Okaaay, well, I'm not sure I understand the question. I went to Kindergarten when I was five years old."
Katie: "Argh! Mom, you're not listening."
Me: "I'm not?"
Katie: *eye roll* "How long did you have to wait?"
Me: "I guess I don't know."
Here's a convo with Audrey that happens on a pretty regular basis:
Audrey: "Mom, your butt is pretty big. And it jiggles."
A: "Why is it so big?"
Me: "Well, I don't always eat the right things and I don't exercise enough. And I've birthed 3 children."
A: "Why is your belly jiggly too?"
Me: "Same reasons."
A: "What about your arms? They move a lot."
Me: "Don't you have something else to do? Homework? Bossing your brother around? Sticking a fork in your sister's eye? Anything?"
A: "Will my butt be as big as yours? I don't want my butt to be THAT big."
Me: "Keep talking, kid, and you won't live to see your butt get this big."
Recently at church, our new nursery director, Christine, was helping me clean up to go home. I told Sam to tell Christine good-bye. This is what followed:
Sam: "Dat's not Kiss-teen."
Christine: "I am Christine, see?" (holds out her name badge)
Sam: "NOO!! Dat's. Nooooot. KISS-TEEN!!!"
I explained that our neighbor that we hang out with a lot is also named Christine.
Christine: "Well, I know that you have another friend named Christine, but that's my name too."
Sam: "NOOOO!! You're not stupid Kiss-teen."
Me: "Alright, knock it off. She's not stupid. Let's not say that word. Let's go home now."
Sam: "Bye, Stupid."
Imposter Christine: "Um, okay. Bye."
I just mouthed "sorry" and hustled him out of there before the discussion got any uglier.
Yet another reason Mommy drinks in the evenings. :)
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