Wednesday, July 14, 2010

How is my husband still alive?

I say this because he has got to be one of the MOST. INATTENTIVE. DRIVERS. EVER. I would have already met my end in a fiery ball of twisted metal if I drove like he does. I told him yesterday that God must have some very special plans for him! Seriously, I'm not saying this just because I am a seriously nervous passenger. It would be funny if it weren't so life threatening. Yesterday for instance, he's talking, talking, talking, and I'm thinking "should have turned there". "or there". "I guess he's going to the next light". "nope". "maybe the next". "where's he going?" See, he's not paying attention because he's talking to me. And he's driving about 10 miles an hour. Because he's talking. See a pattern? Then, at the last possible second he realizes that he needs to turn here and whips over into the next lane without even looking. Luckily that time there was not a car already occupying that lane. So, he's sitting halfway in the turn lane and halfway in the other lane. Then, the light turns green and he starts turning. Except he's drifting into the other turn lane like the little dotted lines are there for his amusement only. He just does not pay attention. It drives me insane! Especially because this man drives pretty much all day long for his job. One snowy winter day-I'm not making this up-I was talking to him on the phone and he says to me in a calm voice, "Oh, hang on a second. I'm sliding sideways into oncoming traffic." And he sets the phone down slowly. I'm panicking from the safety of my warm house thinking I'm about to hear my husband crash and possibly be seriously injured over the phone. I don't hear a thing. And then, "Okay, I'm back. What was I saying?" WHAT??!! Just one cotton-picking minute, Mister! What just happened? This is what he would have heard had the situation be reversed, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..." I'm not doubting his skills, because obviously he can handle when things go sideways (literally), but why was he in that situation to begin with? I repeat-not paying attention. But I'm usually not allowed to say anything lest we hurt his manly driving feelings. Forget about the safety of the children. We should be more concerned about the safety of his ego. Except for yesterday when he hit the curb. I HAD to make fun of him for that.

Now, I admit that I'm not the most, um, agreeable passenger. I get extremely nervous over there on the right, especially if it's raining or snowing. I can't watch the road or I would give myself ulcers. And most of you know that I'm usually not the kind of person who stresses or worries. At the level of flakiness that I have achieved, I forget to be angry or worried. I move on. I'm not saying it's a good thing, just how it is. It really annoys me when I'm trying to be mad at Vince and really show him how mad I am. I make all these plans like I'm not gonna talk to him or serve him his supper. Then by the time he gets home I've forgotten that I was gonna be angry! ARRGH!! Later on I'll remember, but by then it's too late. I've already been nice to him. Dangit! Anyway, I got off the subject. So, if I don't look at the road I can take my mind off of the fact that the conditions are terrible and I'm not in control of my fate and not stress out too much. Viola! It's probably a really good thing that he has had all that driving training because without it I think I might be telling a different story.

Anyway, I have two extra kids today and they are all hungry so I supposed I should go cook some lunch. The trick is finding something that they will all eat. Macaroni and cheese to the rescue!

1 comment:

I am a silly cow. :p said...

That is funny! My husband is the exact opposite. He is so aware of what is going on around him, he could tell you what car is 3 cars back or if a squirrel crossed the road a 1/4 mile ahead. The only time I get "upset" with him is when he is speeding(I get a little "uptight" anything over 4-5 over), but not because I fear my life. He spent 10+ years of his driving life above the speed limit. I just don't want to pay for the ticket/insurance rates. He has had his license revoked for speeding tickets...(This was before we met!)

But...never had a car accident. He is just extremely observant!