A little bit of hilarity

So, my girls were MIA for a while but I kinda had a feeling what they were up to in our little 1/2 bathroom. There's really nothing in there but a toilet, a linen cabinet and...my sewing/craft stuff. And since Audrey had asked me to tie a couple of knots for her, I guessed they were sewing something. A little while later, they both came out and grabbed an empty box, some wrapping paper, bows and the scissors and tape. Ah, making a present. Several minutes later they emerged with Chesire Cat sized smiles carrying a gift for me. Yay! They insisted that I wait to open it until we were done with dinner (Spongebob mac and cheese, applesauce, and carrots with rancg dressing-cause that's how we roll.) and could gather everyone, including the dogs (we are dog-sitting for Gidget, a Beagle/Corgi mix) into the girls' bedroom. Then they let me rip into it. They made me a purse! Too cute. Here it is:

They promptly made me swear that I would carry it to the mall next time we go. Then, they wanted to take pictures of me with it. I took this of the proud creators:

*WARNING: upcoming unflattering photos of this very blogger may not be copied or reproduced in any fashion unless you would like your face rearranged*
Ahem, now that we have that out of the way, let's continue. Katie decided that she wanted to take a picture of me, Audrey and the new accessory. She was sitting on the counter to get the perfect angle. After explaining that she was holding the camera upside down, we got down to business. Well, kinda. I've explained that Katie is on her own special clock, right? Yeah. Finally, she was ready. "Say cheese!" she said. Nothing happened. I told her that she had to mash the button hard. Okay, here goes. "Say cheese!" Nada. Just as I step to her to help, we get this:

*sigh*

Try again. "Ready? Say cheese!" I bet you know what happens. Nothing. Okaaay. One more time and again nothing happens. She starts to put the camera down and we get this:

This time we all start cracking up and Katie thinks that this is her cue to ham it up on purpose. Finally I threaten. "Look, try one more time and that's it. I'm done standing here." So, she gets serious (well, as serious as Katie gets) and points the camera at us again. She says, "Say stinky feet!" Aaaaaaand, nothing happens. As I open my mouth to tell her to just take the dang picture, this is what we get:

This time when I look at the camera I break into hysterics. It's the kind of laugh that you can't stop. The pee-in-your-pants, tears-down-the-face kind of laughter. Katie and Audrey are in on it too. So, Audrey decided to take a picture of us laughing:

So, next time you see me and I'm carrying this fabulousity around with me, be very jealous.

Another week down. Check!

Another week snowed in. Let me just say that people who are from here are probably not snowed in. But me? I'm stuck in the house for the most part. It's too dang cold to do much according to this southern girl. Besides shoveling of course. Let's see. What else is news? Katie Bear's birthday. That's right, my baby girl is going to be 5 in a couple days. I can't even believe it. We already had her party at Peppy's Pizza. It was fun. Today she had her party at school. And she gets to be "star of the week" next week. Which means that her pretty little mug will take over the bulletin board and she gets to be the helper in class and, best of all, bring home the class mascot (a stuffed animal) for the whole week while we document the goings-on. Fun! Now, I just have to find some pictures for her to take. She just doesn't seem old enough to be five. She's not as mature as Audrey I guess so she just seems sooo young still. Not that 5 is ancient. She's definitely finding a little of that 5 year old attitude though. And I quote, "I knooooww Mom (insert eye roll here)." I'm glad she hasn't lost all of her little girl cuteness yet. She still likes to sing in her little voice with made-up words to made-up songs. I love it. And she's still a snuggle bug too.






No offers on the house yet. We've had several showings though, which is encouraging. Especially for this time of year with this weather we've been having. It's hard to keep it so clean all the time. Yesterday and today I haven't really done much and it shows. And of course today is the day that a lady came by to bring me the money for the swing set that we are selling. Of course. The house is a wreck. She said it was okay because she works for Child Protective Services so she's seen worse. That would make me feel better except as she was saying this, my son, wearing nothing but his undies, was dumping out his gun collection on the floor. Is that normal? It is in our house. I hope she wasn't paying too much attention. I'll just make sure that the house is extra clean when she comes to pick up the swing set. Which is sometime when it's not buried in 2 feet of snow. So, maybe June.

Well, I am freezing and can't seem to get warm so I think I will snuggle up in bed with my book for a while and try to unfreeze my toes. Ah, crap. Nix that. Sam's just woken up from his nap. Maybe chasing him around will warm my tootsies.

With all my heart

*Disclaimer--Let me start by saying that if I'm dropping any P's it's because my son did something to my keyboard and now I have to really mash on the P to make it work.*

Today I am being reflective. I watched a show about a girl who is Audrey's age and was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. Can you imagine? She is one of the youngest kids to get that diagnosis. They played a video that the parents took at home when they were trying to figure out what was going on with her. It was absolutely heart-breaking. The dad was laying beside her holding her as still as he could while the little girl thrashed and screamed as her hallucinations demanded that she hurt herself. She was begging her parents to make it stop and all they could do was watch and hang on. Today, they live in 2 separate apartments in the same complex to keep their other child safe. The parents take turns staying with each kiddo. It just made me think about how thankful I am that my kids are healthy and happy.

Then I logged onto Blogspot to update and do my usual complaining about my life and my kids. I follow another blog written by an amazing mom who started it when her first child was born. 11 months later, their little girl was diagnosed with cancer and died within 17 days. Now the blog is a celebration of Cora's life and a testament to the faith and love of her parents, who are passing their February with festivites for their son, who turned 1 in January, and remembering the anniversary of the death of their daughter.

THEN, I checked out my friend Michelle's blog. I'm not sure if I've ever heard her complain. She's the kind of person that you gravitate to like the sunshine. Always happy, always smiling. She has a son Audrey's age and a daughter Katie's age. Their little girl is just like Sam. She never slows down! Michelle gets tired, sure, but she's still smiling. Her kids are her greatest joy and her blog reflects that. It's full of pictures of her beautiful family and words like, "love", "blessings", and "happiness".

So, I decided to take a much-needed page from Michelle's book and talk about all the wonderful things in my life instead of just griping all the time. I know, I know. I'll be back to normal soon, sarcasm and all.

First, glory be to God for bringing me this handsome husband of mine, who not only puts up with my daily mood swings, but lets me handle the checkbook. Sucker! I'm so grateful for him because he's way smarter than I am so he's got my back when I'm being oh-so blonde. He also keeps me strong. I don't like to think too hard and, as we all know, I'm extremely lazy. He challenges me to be better. He's very manly, so when he's at home I know that I never have to squish my own spiders, open my own pickle jars, or take out the trash. Oh, wait. Scratch that last one. I'm so glad he sticks around! Except when he leaves his dirty laundry laying around, then I wish he would go away. (See, I knew I couldn't do this without any snark at all. I'm so predictable.) He's generous and so very thoughtful. There have been several times when I picked out what I thought was a great gift for him and then he gives me something so thoughful, so genuine, that I want to run back to the store because as it turns out, my gift wasn't that good. Best of all, he made me a mother. I could never thank him enough.

When I found out that I was pregnant with Audrey I was so scared and excited all at the same time. Someone once told me while looking at my swollen belly, "She'll be easier to take care of in there than she will be out here." I was a little offended. Did she think that I was going to be a bad mom? She doesn't even know me! Thing is, she didn't have to. She was right. From the moment my water broke, my life got exponentially harder. The thing she didn't say was that I would never regret it. What no one can exlain to you before you have kids is that no matter how hard it is, or how tired you are or how bad a day you are having, or how sassy your kids are, you will still love them to your very core and be willing to trade your life for theirs, no questions asked. And all it takes to wipe out that horrible day is one tiny voice saying, "I love you Mommy." That's it. You think you know this before you have kids, but you don't KNOW it.

Audrey and I have butted heads since the day she was born. She always wanted things her own way, beginning with sleeing habits. During the day, that kid would sleep anywhere. Once she even fell asleep on the living room floor while I was vacuuming. But at night, the stubborn little thing wanted to sleep right on my chest. We tried all the tricks to get her to sleep in her own bed with to no avail. Finally we gave in. She slept with us until she was almost 3. Even after Katie was born. Today, at 7 years old, she's still so stubborn I could scream. The foot stomp. The eye roll. The sad tears. The sassy attitude. That sly smile. I could never have imagined that these would be blessings, but they are really. They will serve her well. When she's married. She loves being the oldest and being in charge, but she also is sensitive sometimes and likes to be held like a baby when we're playing. I think that she gets tired of the grind of being the responsible big girl. And I think that we forget that. I have to remind myself all the time that she's just a first grader. She's so good at being bossy and is so helpful to me with her siblings that I take it for granted. I always expect more of her than the other two and that's not always fair. Her strength will serve her well as a grown woman. I just don't want her to grow up too fast. I love that she loves to laugh, and she's smart as a whip. She's funny and is quick to make friends and she's mine. She's gonna do big things one day.

Katie gives me headaches of a different kind. The hurry-up-and-wait kind. Katie is the kind of kid that when people meet her, they want to take her home. She's quiet most of the time and shy when you first meet her. She likes to snuggle, but she doesn't need to be in your face all the time. She'd rather sit and play by herself. She loves to sing her made-up songs and talk nonsense. She has a great imagination. She's also smart, but doesn't love school like her big sister does. School isn't on "Katie-time". They have an actual schedule-what?!-and tend to stick to it whether she likes it or not. She's our sensitive soul and is always the first to share with anyone, even if it means that she won't get any. I worry about her. I worry that she will care more about other people's feelings and needs that she will get taken advantage of and maybe lose herself in the process. But God could not have chosen a better person to be sandwiched between Audrey and Sam. I want to always protect her and never let her believe that she's JUST the middle child. She's much more than that. I think she will be a fantastic mommy and/or be a nurturer of some sort. A nurse, a social worker. One thing is for sure, she will have a job where she can make her own schedule! No one else will tolerate her 15 minute bathroom breaks.

Sam. My little man with a BIG personality. How many times have I said that he's broken me or that he makes me want to go back to work? I should feel like the luckiest woman in the world that God thought I was strong enough to be his mommy. I spend most of my time with Sam just trying to survive the day when I should be embracing it. I think part of my problem is that after his sisters, I'm just older and more tired. He is soooo busy! He makes me tired just watching him. It's fun having a boy after having 2 girls. He's so different from them. Vince and I are in stitches most of the time we are with Sam. We laugh when we probably shouldn't. On the other hand, a lot of days I can't handle him. His active personality is beyond my mothering abilities. At this point I'm just trying to keep the kid alive. He is exactly what I wished and prayed for when I was pregnant. I wanted a boy so badly. I got it. He is all boy. Guns, motorcycles, daredevil, loud, fast. Those are all words that I would use to describe him. Maybe he'll slow down as he gets older and maybe he won't, but I know that he will always have the key to my heart. He loves his Mommy, even with all her shortcomings and the fact that she can't shoot straight. He deserves for me to try harder. They all do.

I have so many things to be thankful for that I can't begin to list them on here. God has blessed me beyond measure to be sure. I don't know why, but he thinks I deserve it so I should try to live up to that and do the best with what I have. With all my heart.

Hello there!

I haven't posted in so long that I don't even remember all that has happened in that time! A lot. I can tell you that. The big news, that I'm sure most of you know by now, is that we are moving. Vince finally got a Special Agent job. He applied for many of them, but kept getting turned down after making it through interviews and everything else. All of the hiring committees kept telling him to keep after it because his application was great and his interviews were some of the best they'd ever done, blah, blah. If he's so great, why aren't you hiring him!? We were getting very frustrated. But as always, God had a plan for us. And it didn't include Las Vegas. So, Pueblo, Colorado here we come! We are really excited because living there will cut our commute time to our parents' houses in half. Happy, happy, joy, joy. Now the stress sets in because we have to sell this house and look for another down there all while V is away for his training for 3 months. I am willing to accept your pity and any offers of help! Keeping this house ready for showings with 3 kids is not my idea of fun. Especially since you all know what kind of a housekeeper I am.

And it is hindered by this strange illness that has taken over my life right now. I started getting weird swelling episodes and I couldn't pinpoint any particular thing that would cause it except when any pressure was applied to my body. (My regular doctor thought it was all related to a neck injury and told me to take Aleve). All I knew was that it hurt bad and itched like crazy. But in less than 24 hours the swelling would be gone. I never knew when it was going to strike. Then my parents came up for Thanksgiving and I woke up one morning with a big spot on my back where my night shirt had bunched up and pressed into my skin. My mother, who is a nurse, took a picture of it and sent it to some of her doctor and nurse friends. No one could identify it. When she got home, she kept asking around and finally got somewhat of an answer and told me to go to the Dermatologist. So I did. She knew immediately what it was. Delayed Pressure Urticaria (DPU). What she doesn't know is why it starts, how long I will have it, or how to treat it for sure. We started with Zyrtec, which she told me could take up to 8 months to even begin to help. It's pretty uncommon. It basically means that when pressure is applied to my body, even for a few seconds, I develop a hive in that area. It is extremely painful and annoying. And the bad ones also give me flu-like symptoms. My joints and muscles ache and I get nauseous and just have to stop everything. I am just now beginning to figure out how to manage this. Right now I am standing as I type because sitting in a hard chair for too long will make the back of my legs so painful that I will barely be able to walk. I sanded a crack in my ceiling for 10 minutes the other afternoon and by that evening my whole arm hurt so badly that I couldn't turn a doorknob. It's a lot of fun. Then a couple weeks ago I started getting little bumps all over my body that were so itchy they would wake me in the middle of the night. This has actually been going on for a while, but only sporadically so I didn't think much of them. They kind of look like bug bites and I thought maybe we had bed bugs or something. Last Thursday was my breaking point. I had been up all night scratching and when I woke up I was covered head to toe in little red bumps. I took myself back to the Derm office and was told that these are also hives, but what was causing them was (and still is) a mystery. I was referred to my Allergist. Monday he took one look at me and said, "Yep. Hives." The good thing is that he isn't going to rest until we find out what is causing this. I donated lots of blood that day to rule out everything from Celiac disease to Lupus. We think it might be auto-immune. I go back next week. We'll see what he has to say about the results. If it were possible to die from scratching I would be dead by now! It does make it hard to get things done, though. Woe's me and all that.

What else? Christmas. It was a good one. We made the trip back home and got to see cousins, brothers, in-laws and the like. My kids got more presents than a lot of kids get in their entire lifetime. I should mention that Vince and I made out like bandits as well. We are very spoiled. And blessed.

Once we got home from our break, it was back to life as we know it. Audrey is enjoying the first grade. She loves school and really thrives in that environment. She is progressing very quickly in her reading and math skills, but I think her favorite part of school is the socialization. That little nut didn't fall far from the tree, did she? Katie is in preschool, but doesn't have as much fun with it as Audrey does. She tells me that her teacher is a "meaner". Which means that her teacher isn't functioning on Katie-time basically. Katie likes to do things at her own pace, which is usually about the same pace as a glacier. I tell her that her teacher isn't mean, she just has to get lots of stuff done in a small amount of time. She doesn't care. I think she enjoys it when she gets there, but I do get reports from her teacher occasionally that Katie cried on the floor for several minutes before joining the group. Or that she refused to participate in an activity. She's very dramatic. Another nut that is sticking close to home. I'm hoping she'll grow out of it. I also hope that Sam grows out of the terrible 2's. Soon. Sooner than soon. He's a mess. His favorite word right now is stupid. Everything is stupid. As is everyone. Even strangers. Ugh! Why can't kids choose other words to be their favorites? Like lovely. Everything is lovely. I can't break him of this word. I've tried ignoring, correcting, replacing the word, washing his mouth with soap, time out, spanking, popping his little mouth. Nothing works. I've even tried calling him stupid right back. I'm sure you can guess how that worked out. Nothing like having an argument with your 2 year old about who's stupid. I think I will go back to work when we move. Seriously. Stick a fork in me 'cause I'm done.

I guess that's enough complaning for now. You guys missed all my griping, didn't you? I have to go make supper. But first I'll complain about what to make so my family doesn't think I'm changing my ways. It's feeling like a mac 'n cheese/hot dog kind of night. Again. Ciao.

Damn that Murphy!

Vince got his bike out of the shop. $1400+. Yeah. On the way home he noticed the blinkers were not working. He called the shop and left them a message. Then he decided to go up to Sturgis on Sunday. On the way up there, he noticed the same electrical kookiness happening again. So he pulled over and left his bike there then came home and got the trailer and loaded it up. Took it back to the shop. Yep, same thing. Ugh. I'm not giving them another dime. They think they have found the problem and have it fixed. I'll not hold my breath.

I told you so!

How's this for Murphy's Law? We have spent the better part of 6 months trying to get Vince's bike tagged in South Dakota. He lost his title so we had to go back to our prior state, who dawdled for months and finally decided they needed a release of lien. So we went back to the prior prior state, but they didn't have copies because it's been paid off for so long. Finally we found a copy, sent it in along with the 12necessary forms and notarizations. On these forms our current address was printed no less than 5, count 'em, 5 times. Never heard anything. Called them and talked to the most unhelpful "customer service" person ever who said that our duplicate title had been mailed out a week ago. To where? Our former address of course. Ms. Helpful told me there was nothing she could do and to call back in 30 days to see if it had been returned. Then she hung up. I called back and spoke to someone, anyone, but her. This time I got an apology and a promise to send it to our current address when it came back to their office. I asked for another copy, but was told that they couldn't do that since there was already one floating around. Whatever. At least she was nicer. So, I called our old postmaster and after a lengthy convo about the kids and our general state of being, she said she would forward it to us when it came through. See the benefit of living in tiny towns? A couple weeks later when we got back from vacation and picked up our mail there were 2 duplicate titles! Oh, the irony. So, I called the tag office here and asked what we needed to get the tags. Just the title. Fine. Take just the title up there. Guess what? We need more than just the title. ARRRRGH! Since it's a new title (it's a duplicate, but whatever) they need a bill of sale or a signed affidavit with either the purchase price or the amount of taxes paid on it in our previous state of residence. Why does that matter? They are the ones that issued the duplicate title, so obviously we don't owe them any taxes, right? And who cares how much we paid for it? It's been completely paid off since 2002. Well, do you think my husband still has a bill of sale for a vehicle he bought in 2001? If you do, you'd be wrong. He's probably already misplaced the 2 titles he got a week ago. Anyway, called the credit union where we had the loan. They laughed. Called the state that issued the title. They laughed and asked why in the world SD needed that information? If you find out, would ya mind filling me in too? I don't know why they need it!!! They just do. Talked to about 7 different people and finally got one who told me to have SD fax them something on their letterhead stating what they need exactly. Called SD and told them this. The lady says, "Uh, we can't do that. There's no form for that." What form? Just use a piece of letterhead. That's the paper that has the name of the agency that you work for on the top. Duh. I realize that you make just a bit more than minimum wage and just do what they tell you to do, but this is ridiculous. She tells me that they can just charge me an excise tax on it if we can't figure it out. Excuse me, but bullshit! I'm not paying more than what I've already paid. Vince called the shop where he bought the bike and asked them how much that model of motorcycle would have sold for in 2001. He writes that number on the affidavit and hands it in. They accept it. What a crock! But at least he has tags and can ride legally now. Yay!!

A couple of days later, he goes on a poker run with some friends. The perfectly legal motorcycle breaks down. No, I'm not kidding. He's 1.5 hours from home and it completely dies. He rode on the back of a stranger's bike all the way home. Then we had to go get it since it was literally in the middle of nowhere in the Badlands. We got home at 2:30 am. Then we took it to the Yamaha place to have them take a look at it. The ENTIRE electrical system is fried. It's going to cost at least $1300 to fix.

So glad we spent the last 6 months trying to get a tag on the stupid thing!

That's the ultimate Murphy's Law story.

Murphy's Law

I mopped the floor yesterday. Naturally this morning Katie dumped half a gallon of orange juice on it. Why? Why do I bother to mop? Because I know that within 12 hours of cleaning my floors someone will spill something. And not just something easy to clean up. I'm talking the stickiest, messiest something you can think of. Like orange juice. I never knew how sticky it could be. It's Murhpy's Law. Right? Here's another one that always gets me. Whenever I bring along 4 diapers for Sam I never need them. On the days when I forget to replenish my diaper caddy or forget to bring the caddy altogether, THAT'S when Sam explodes over and over again. Or I have no extra clothes and he leaks everywhere. One day I went up to our local Runner's Shop to grab some stuff. It was freezing outside. I picked Sam up from his car seat and he had pooped and leaked all over his clothes. Of course, this is one of those times that I didn't pack a lot of stuff because I was just popping out for a few minutes. I searched the car for something to cover him with. Nothing. I took him in and changed his diaper on the floor in the women's room. His pants were a definite no-go. Ruined. The only thing I could find to cover his legs were these light green froggy legwarmers. I bought them because you know when you pick up your little one and hold them and their pants legs ride up? There is quite a bit of exposed skin there and I thought that these legwarmers would help cover that up. Vince banned me from ever letting Sam wear them in public. I thought they were cute, but whatever. Anyway, Sam had those on with his socks and shoes, a diaper and his coat. Admittedly, he looked pretty funny. At least he was covered up. And we didn't tell Daddy.

So, today we started Vacation Bible School. I work in the nursery. Everything went really well and I was feeling good and decided to carry on being productive around the house. I had, I don't know, 4 loads of laundry just staring at me daring me to actually fold and-GASP!-put it away. It's been there for the better part of 2 weeks now. I've been meaning to do it. Really, I have. Well, today I did it. My husband will be shocked that he doesn't have to move a pile of clothes just to sit on the couch. So. That got me thinking about the ginormous, multiplying mound of dirty laundry in our bedroom. What the Hell? Let's wash some clothes too! I know, right? 2 chores in one day-what is this world coming to? I washed a load and since it was such a hot, cloudless summer day I decided to hang it on the line. I love that outdoor smell on my clothes when I try to stuff my legs into a stiff pair of pants that have apparently been washed in Modge Podge. Why does that happen? Anyhoo, I was on a roll so I stuck another load in the wash. I headed for the living room to continue folding and it's dark outside. What? It's 3:00 in the afternoon! Out of friggin' nowhere a giant storm cloud has come together just above my house. Seriously?! My clothes have been on the line about 10 minutes and when I hung them up, there was not a cloud in sight. Murphy's Law I tell ya.

Is everyone still here or have you all passed out from the shock of hearing that I did some housework today? Don't get excited because it still looks a mess. I promise. I wouldn't want to let down my fans and have my house too clean. A housekeeper I'm not. But if you need an expert in Murphy's Law, I'm your gal.